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Joke: Man's Perfect Breakfast


Many a person would ask what is a man's perfect breakfast. This is when an English breakfast is set before him with fresh orange juice.

On his right is the Vogue and his daughter is smiling happily on front. On his left his very successful son on the Time's cover.

Then when he opens the middle page of the Playboy, he finds his girlfriend on it, and while he throws some more milk-in to his coffee, he sees his wife's face on the carton.

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Joke: She's A Virgin


A boy came running up to his father and said, "Daddy, Daddy, I’ve met the woman I want to marry!"

The father says, "Tell me about her, son."

The son says, "Well, she’s pretty, she can cook, and Daddy, Daddy, she's a virgin!"

The father says, "Well son, if she isn’t good enough for their family, then she isn’t good enough for ours

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Not So Bad


A masked gunman walks into a sperm bank, he points the gun at the woman behind the counter and tells her to drink the sample in front of her.

The man puts the gun to her head and says, "I said drink that sample or I’ll kill you!"

So she does. Just then he takes off his mask and says, "See honey, it's not so bad."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: It Worked on the Other Side


One night, a man and his wife were watching TV. It was about breast implants. The wife said, ”I wish I had bigger breast.”

The man said, ”You don’t have to get silicone breasts, just wipe between your breast with toilet paper.”

"How would that work?" asked the wife.

The man said, "Well, you have been wiping your butt for 50 years and it's gotten bigger."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: My $30,000


An old man was on his deathbed. He wanted badly to take all his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me."

At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed that he had only put $20,000 into the envelope because he needed $10,000 for a new baptistery.

"Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000."

The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Something Up in the Air


The young college physician was bewildered by the procession of unhappy young women regularly visiting his campus clinic for pregnancy tests.

“There seems to be something in the air this time of the year that causes young girls to get pregnant,” he commented to an older colleague. “What it is, I wonder?"

“Their legs,” replied his friend.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Prepare Your Chickens


A guy sits down at a restaurant when the waiter comes over to see if he has any questions.

The guy puts down the menu and says, “How do you prepare your chickens?”

“Well, sir there’s not much to it. We just flat out tell them they’re going to die.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Toilet Brushes


While grocery shopping, a single man comes across toilet brushes, “Wow! What a great idea!” he thinks to himself.

So he buys three of them.

Two weeks later he goes back to using toilet paper.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Hey Fella -


A drunk staggers into a bar demanding a beer. He argues back and forth with the bartender, who refuses to serve him. Finally, the bartender challenges him to get on the floor and do twenty push-ups to prove he is sober.

As he is doing the push-ups, another drunk staggers in. He surveys the scene for a minute, pokes the guy in the ribs with his shoe, and says, “Hey fella, I think your girlfriend has gone home.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Does She Close Her Eyes?


Two buddies at the bar, drinking away, were comparing the sexual behaviour of their spouses. “Hey,” one asked, “does your wife close her eyes when you’re having sex with her?”

“She sure does,” replied the other. “She just can’t stand to watch me having a good time.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Does She Close Her Eyes?


Two buddies at the bar, drinking away, were comparing the sexual behaviour of their spouses. “Hey,” one asked, “does your wife close her eyes when you’re having sex with her?”

“She sure does,” replied the other. “She just can’t stand to watch me having a good time.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: My Life Is Bad


There is a hot dog, a cucumber, and a dick. The hot dog said, "My life is very bad. People put cats-up, mustard, and relish and then they eat me."

Then the cucumber said, "My life is worse. People chop me up put me in dill brine and pickle me."

Then the dick said, "My life is the worst ever! They shove me into a plastic tube, put me in a tunnel and make me do jumping-jacks until I puke."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: The Clueless Idiot


A guy goes into a bar and tries to pick up on the barmaid. After many advances the barmaid gets fed up and tells him, “Look I'd really love to take you home but I'm on my menstrual cycle.”

Not to be discouraged the fellow says, “That’s all right, I'll just follow you in my Hyundai."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: The Right Word


A man goes to the doctor's and says, “I would I like to get castrated". The doctor tries to convince him, but the man won't listen. All he keeps on saying is, "I want to get castrated! I want to get castrated! I want to get castrated!”

The doctor says, "Your life will be changed after this operation. Do you still want to go ahead?"

“Yes!"

After a few hours the man is walking in the hospital with a walking stick in his hand and legs apart. He meets another man walking the same way. He says to the other guy, “So even you got the operation done?"

The other man replied, "Yeah after 37 years of my life, I felt that it would be much better to get circumcised."

"Crap. That’s the word!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: New Bride

 

A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner.

So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.

He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Only In Sunday School

 

Mrs. Marble, a Sunday School teacher, was telling her students about the time when Lot's wife looked back at Sodom she turned into a pillar of salt.

Little Percy interrupted. “My mommy looked back once while she was driving,” he announced, “and she turned into a telephone pole.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Doctor's Toast

 

A man was getting married to a doctor's daughter. At the wedding reception, the father of the bride stood to read his toast, which he had scribbled on a piece of scrap paper.

Several times during his speech, he halted, overcome with what I assumed was a moment of deep emotion. But after a particularly long pause, he explained, "I'm sorry. I can't seem to make out what I've written down."

Looking out into the audience, he asked, "Is there a pharmacist in the house?"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: In the Eyes of the Beholder

 

An extremely vain sorceress zoomed into the local dollar store on her broom, fuming from head-to-toe. “Which one of you morons is responsible for putting my name on your product without my permission? I’m going to turn you into a toad!”

A shuddering young clerk bravely came forward— “I’m extremely sorry ma'am; I honestly thought Witch Hazel was an approved product.”

“You idiot,” screamed the hag. “I’m talking about the Barbie doll!”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: What Else Would I Use?


Interviewing the convict after the publication of his first book, the reporter asked, “Why did you decide to list the author as ‘06809’?"

“What else would I use?” the prisoner said. “That’s my pen name.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Before He Gets Through the Door


A guy staggers to the bathroom, whipping out his penis even before he gets through the door.

Inadvertently, he’s wandered into the ladies room by mistake, surprising a woman primping in the mirror. “This is for ladies!” she screams.

The drunk waves his dick at her and says, “So is this!”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: If I Had Known


An elderly couple is talking to their friends after going on a date together.

The man says to his friend, "If I’d have known she was a virgin, I'd have been gentler."

The woman says to her friend, "If I'd known he wanted sex, I'd have taken my tights off."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Free Meat


It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally, he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.

He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."

"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."

When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Just Think of the Score


Negotiations between union members and their employer are at an impasse. The union denies that the workers are flagrantly abusing the sick-leave provisions set our by their contract. One morning at the bargaining table, the company’s chief negotiator holds the morning edition of the newspaper.

“This man,” he announces, "called in sick yesterday!"

There on the sports page was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.

A union negotiator breaks the silence in the room. “Wow!” he says, “Just think of the score he could have had if he hadn’t been sick!”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Being A Grandfather


A loving couple had their first grandchild and was visibly excited. So the wife asks her husband, "Honey, how does it feel being a grandfather?"

"Oh, that part’s okay," he said, "but I'm not so sure about going to bed with a grandmother."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Available Over the Counter


There were two men standing at the medicine isle in the supermarket. The first man said, "Viagra is the greatest drug in the world it has helped my love life and I feel much better about myself."

The second man replied, "Wow, it helped you that much! Can you get it over the counter?"

The first man said, "If I take two."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: The Best Eating


You know why the woman got a tattoo of a turkey on one thigh and a Christmas tree on the other?

Because everyone knows the best eating is between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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