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Joke: Mr. Fix It

 

When our dryer broke, my husband set to work. He found the problem quickly and, since he needed to replace the belt, decided to repair a cracked knob and a broken hinge too.

Upon arrival at the Sears parts counter, he said he needed a belt, knob, hinge, and a crescent-shaped wire he'd found inside the dryer. He didn't know where it belonged, but he confidently assured the clerk that he could figure it out once he got into the job.

"I have the other parts," the clerk said, "but for the wire you have to go to Lingerie. This is an underwire from your wife's bra."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: A Talking Tree

 

A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.

"You can't cut me down," the tree exclaims, "I'm a talking tree!"

The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: How Airlines Stay In Business

 

Cabin temperature: 72 Fahrenheit degrees
Stewardess: “Complimentary blanket, sir?”
Traveller: “No way, I’m boiling in here!”

Cabin temperature: 68 degrees
Stewardess: “Blanket, sir? Only $5!”
Traveller: “Nah, I’m warm enough, thanks!”

Cabin temperature 64 degrees
Stewardess: “Blanket, sir? Only $20!”
Traveller: “No thanks, I’m tough!”

Cabin temperature 60 degrees
Stewardess: “Blanket, sir? Only $50!”
Traveller: “Yeah, ok, I’ll take 3!”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: More Of A Trick Dog


Two buddies are sharing drinks while discussing their wives. "Does your wife ever do it doggy style?” asked one of the guys.

“Not exactly,” his friend replies. “She’s more into being a trick dog.”

“Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?”

“Well, not exactly. Whenever I make a move, she rolls over and plays dead.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: I'm Going to be A Hunter


Three babies are in their mother's womb. One of them says, "I want to be an artist, so everyone will know what it looks like in here."

The next one says, "I want to be an olympic swimmer because I get so much practice in here."

Then the last baby says," I'm going to be a hunter, because if that snake comes in here and pokes me again, I'm gonna chop that damned thing in half!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: I Keep Having the Same Dream


A distraught man goes to see a psychologist. “How may I help you?" asks the shrink.

“Doc, every night I have the same dream. I’m lying in bed and a dozen women walk in, try to rip my clothes off, and then have wild sex with me.”

“And then what do you do?” the shrink asks.

“I push them away,” the man says.

“Then what do you want me to do?” the shrink asks.

“Isn't it obvious? I want you to break my arms!”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: The Lion And A Bull

 

A lion was stalking through the jungle one day when he came across a bull.

 

The lion and the bull got into a tremendous battle, but in the end the lion killed the bull and ate him up.

 

The lion was so pleased with himself that he threw back his head and roared and roared.

 

The noise attracted a hunter who followed the sound until he found the lion. The hunter took aim and killed the lion with a single shot.

Moral: When you are full of bull, it’s wise to keep your mouth shut.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: High School Class Reunion

 

My wife and I were at my high school reunion. As I looked around, I noticed the other men in their expensive suits ... and their bulging stomachs.

Proud of the fact that I weighed just five pounds more than I did when I was in high school, I said to my wife, "I'm the only guy here who can still wear the suit he wore when he graduated."

She glanced at the well-dressed crowd, then back at me, and said, "You're the only one who has to."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Taking All the Chances

 

Harold and Jack are about to rob a bank. Harold says, "All right, Jack, now here's what to do: go into that bank with this gun and this bag, hold the gun on the teller and tell her to put all of the money in the bag, then run back out before the cops show up. Meanwhile, I'll be out here in the car, taking all the chances."

Jack says, "Now wait just a minute, Harold, If I'm the one running in there with the gun and the bag, getting the money and running back out before the cops show up, how are you the one taking all the chances?"

Harold replies, "Because I can't drive."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Taking All the Chances

 

Harold and Jack are about to rob a bank. Harold says, "All right, Jack, now here's what to do: go into that bank with this gun and this bag, hold the gun on the teller and tell her to put all of the money in the bag, then run back out before the cops show up. Meanwhile, I'll be out here in the car, taking all the chances."

Jack says, "Now wait just a minute, Harold, If I'm the one running in there with the gun and the bag, getting the money and running back out before the cops show up, how are you the one taking all the chances?"

Harold replies, "Because I can't drive."

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Outdoor Living

 

A fellow who loved to go out in his kayak whenever he could.

One winter it was very cold, so he built a fire on a metal lined pad on the floor of the boat.

The fire burned through the pad, causing the boat to sink.

This proves that we cannot have our kayak and heat it, too.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: The Devil Is In the Details

 

While entering the elevator to heaven, a confused client accidentally pushed the down button. Arriving at the basement, the door opened to reveal the devil himself—sporting board shorts, relaxing in a lounge chair and sucking on a cold brew.

The bewildered client couldn’t help but ask Satan, “Is this how the lower level lives everyday?”

With his renowned devilish grin, Satan replied, “Hell no! Our Friday special is margaritas and blackened redfish, and Mondays are Karaoke night!”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Storm Warning

 

A sea captain is holding a class at a local dock where several young men and women are learning how to be sailors. "All right, class," the captain states. "Now, if you were out at sea and suddenly a tremendous storm brewed up, what should you do?"

A young man in the front row raises his hand. "Yes, lad?" the captain replies.

"Throw out an anchor," the young man relies.

"Very good. Now, if another tremendous storm brewed up shortly thereafter, what should you do then?"

"Throw out another anchor."

A puzzled look crosses the captain's face. "Well, but what if another tremendous storm brews up?"

"I'd throw out yet another anchor."

"Now hold on there for a second, young fella," the captain says incredulously. "Where do you keep getting all of these anchors?"

"The same place you keep getting all of these tremendous storms, sir." the young man replies.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Buying a Mac

 

I was just having a conversation with someone who is about to buy a Mac computer. I was against it and an argument started.

I said there were too few people supporting the Mac.

He responded, "When was the last time you heard of a virus on a Mac?"

And I said, "See, even people who write viruses don't support Macs!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Is It to Wash Babies In?


An elderly woman travels to Paris for the first time in her life and stays in a five-star hotel. Looking at the installations, she is very pleased and the view out the windows facing the Eiffel tower is breathtaking.

Stopping at the bathroom, she is intrigued by something next to the toilet with a similar form but without a lid. Being curious by nature, she calls up room-service. When the attendant arrives, she shows him to the bathroom, pointing to that strange thing, asking: “Tell me, is that to wash babies in?”

The attendant replies dryly: “No Madame, on the contrary.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: That's My Mop


One day a little boy sees his mother stepping out of the shower and curiously points to her triangle of hair and asks, "Mommy, what's that?"

"That's my mop," she replies.

The little boy then asks, "Where is the handle?"

The mother replies, "Oh, Dad is going to put it on tonight."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: The Self-Made Man


A man comes to dinner at a new friend's house. While they eat, the friend's small son keeps staring at the guest. Finally, the guest says, "Why are you staring at me like that, young fellow?"

The kid says, "Daddy told me you were a self-made man."

"I am."

"Well, why did you make yourself like that?"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Ever Been Arrested?


An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, 'Have you ever been arrested?'

He answered, 'No.'

The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was 'Why?'

The applicant answered it anyway... 'Never got caught.'

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Screw the Boss


A husband wakes up with a hangover, can't remember a thing, and asks his wife, "Dear, what happened last night?"

"Oh, honey, you made an ass out of yourself in front of your boss and he got you fired."

"Well, screw the boss!"

"Honey, I already did... you can go back to work on Monday."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: My Name is Tucker


There were three brothers who moved to a town. They all saw this beautiful girl and decided that they would each take her on a date and that she would pick whichever one she liked the most.

The first one went to her house and her father answered the door. The young man said,” Hello my name is Eddie, I'm taking her for spaghetti, is she ready?"

So they went on the date. The next brother went up to the door and the father answered it again. He said," Hi I'm Steve, were going for Chinese, is she ready to leave?"

And they went on their date. Finally, the third brother went to pick her up for their date and once again the father answered the door. He said, "Hi, I'm Tucker..." and the farmer shot him on the spot.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Most Suspicious Woman in the World


“My wife is the most suspicious woman in the world,” complained the stressed husband to a sympathetic friend.

“If I come home early, she thinks I’m after something. And if I come home late, she thinks I’ve already had it.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: What's A Taxidermist?


A guy walks into a bar in Oklahoma and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised, and the bartender looks around and says, "You ain't from around here, are ya? Where ya from, boy?"

The guy says, "I'm from Iowa."

The bartender asks, "What the heck you do in Iowa?"

The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."

The bartender asks, "A taxidermist? Now just what the heck is a taxidermist?"

The guy says nervously, "I mount animals."

The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's okay boys, he's one of us!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: If I Give You A Dollar


A man walks out of a bar and sees a bum panhandling on the corner. And the bum says, “Mister, do you have a dollar you could spare me?”

The man thinks about the question for a bit and asks the bum, “If I give you a dollar, are you going to use it to by liquor?”

“No,” says the bum.

The man then asks the bum, “If I five you a dollar, are you going to use it for gambling?”

Again the bum says, “No.”

So the man says to the bum. “Do you mind coming home with me so I can show my wife what happens to someone who doesn’t drink or gamble?”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Guest What the fish

True story

 

Long ago, I was at a JB straight spa that had a pool of nibbling fishee( at that time it was a craze for health benefits)

 

It's normally not free to use but since it's bundled free with my massage, I of course wore my shorts and waded in after my massage.

 

They must have not cleaned the pool regularly as the bottom was slimy and slippery and I fell in.

Even with the shallow water breaking my fall, I bumped my head on the side. It was not serious but enough to stunt me for a while.

 

It been low season and mid sleepy afternoon, there's nobody there to help me since it was in a quiet corner because of the humidity.

 

I laid there in the water, luckily it was too shallow to drown me. But then I felt the fishes nibbling my nipples. It as so ticklish but I enjoyed it.

As I looked, no wonder, they were trying to eat the few strands of hair on my nipples as I was smooth all over elsewhere.

 

But then I started to feel something nibbling inside my shorts. Oh NO, there's more hair down there. There's literally a swam inside there. 

And and...some were wiggly where they should not be.

The feeling was most exquisite I can't describe.

 

Oh no, then I remembered the gay eel joke. There was no direct anal sex during the massage but suffice to say, his 3 fingers opened me up enough for a small tip.

 

Here the fishees were nibbling the 2 most sore parts of my body. If 3 fingers can get into me easily then those little fishees were trying to wiggle in where the sun don't shine.

 

Not that I'm been squeamish about the exquisite fun but then anybody could just come in any moment. I don't want to stand up and maybe accidentally crush a few that got caught.

 

So I wiggled my hand inside my shorts to sho them away.

But they nibbled my hand instead.

 

What to do, I use my sex trick. I cover my ass crack then when standing up, pulled down my shorts to make sure none get caught inside.

 

Of course the joke is incomplete without some cheap uncle who's also taking advantage of this low season offer and he's watching me totally naked and volunteer to check if some wiggled inside.

Insider joke, so obvious.

 

Back to his 30rm cheap hotel room where his small worm wiggled inside me. Then his kawan from next door banged me mercilessly till the bed shook.

 

No ikan were hurt in this joke.

 

Biggest joke was, they booked the cheap hotel rooms next door for cheap chicken sex in the evening. (They always claim to be straights, don't they). But since I'm free, well I'm still free in the evening, why not once more time.

 

Oh they're from Indonesia and let's just say they were tight on funds. I got 10+ free meals and they got plenty of free sex from me, saving few hundreds rm. Oh they upgraded to 69rm air con room so that I don't sweat too much. They never let me wear anything most of the time anyway. Geesh, how long had they have sex? Trying to save?

 

My day trip to JB ended 3 days later. I wouldn't say I ended up with wobbly legs like most gay jokes would. They are much straighter than me to wear me out for sure.

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Joke: How Did You Catch Him?


A squirrel was tearing up this woman's garden, digging up her carrots and other plants. So she set up a trap, one with apples and the other with nuts.

The next day the woman shows her neighbour what she caught. The neighbour asked "How did you catch him, by the apples?"

The woman smiles and says, "Nope... by the nuts."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: I Sent Him There for an Education


“I sent my son to college to get an education,” complained Joseph to Allan, “but all he seems to do is shack up with girls, smoke pot, and have a good time.”

“Most college students do that today,” replied Allan.

“That’s the trouble,” snapped Joseph, “I should have kept him home and gone to college myself.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: I Found A Cowboy


Three men sit at a bar. The first says, "I found a tool belt under my bed, I think my wife is sleeping with a repairman."

The second man replies, "I believe my wife is sleeping with a plumber, found a plunger under my bed."

The third man nods, and says, "I found a cowboy under my bed, I think my wife is sleeping with a horse."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: All I Wanted To Do


A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fxck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Want It On the Bill?


Two ducks are having an affair. They rent a hotel room for a couple of hours, but the male duck forgot contraception.

He calls down to room service. “Got it,” says the front desk clerk.  “Wnd would you like these on your bill?”


“Of course not,” the duck says. "I’d suffocate.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: That Lump In Your Shorts


A guy is out jogging when he sees a tennis ball in the gutter. He picks it up and puts it in his pocket, and keeps on going.

A while later comes across a friend also out jogging, and they carry on together. After a while his friend says "What's that lump in your shorts?”

"That's a tennis ball" he replies.

"Wow!" says his friend, "I've had tennis elbow, and that was bad enough!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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