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Posted

Joke: Fencing

I’ve been bored recently so I’ve decided to take up fencing.

 

The neighbours said they’ll call the police if I don’t put it back.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: Cannon Fodder

My Dad used to get shot from a cannon at the circus.

 

When he retired they had to close the show.

 

They couldn’t find another man of his caliber.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: Magic Act

I’ve started using garlic in my magic act.

 

First, I start by crushing it, adding basil and some pine nuts and then I blend them altogether with some Parmesan and olive oil.

 

Then… hey… pesto!

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: Upbringing

My wife always prefers the stairs, whereas I always like to take the elevator.

 

I guess we are raised differently.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: Smoke Machines

A sketchy guy just came into my shop and bought six smoke machines, so I called the cops.

 

I think he must be a part of some extreme mist group.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: Saving Ammo

In the middle of the battle, I decided to use a knife to preserve my ammo.

 

All the other paintball players started freaking out though.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: Repeat Infractions

I said to the judge, “60% of my parking tickets are bogus!”

 

He said, “Repeat infractions?”

 

I said, “Okay, 3/5 of my parking tickets are bogus!”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: Big Bang

At the end of my physics lecture, I asked my professor, “Can you tell me what happened before The Big Bang?”

 

He replied, “Sorry. No time.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: Snowballs

My wife is furious at me for throwing a snowball at my son.

 

On top of that, I’m also banned from the maternity ward.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: Flat-earthers

There’s a new reality show where flat-earthers are trying to find the edge of the world.

 

They’ll be so disappointed when the finale is not a cliffhanger.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

 

Joke: Day Ends In ‘Y’

A cute girl at work said she’d only go on a date with me on a day that doesn’t end in ‘Y’.

 

I said, “Great! I’ll pick you up tomorrow!”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: Morning Jog

Every morning for the past six months, I’ve announced loudly to my family that I’m going for a jog, and then I haven’t.

 

It’s a running joke.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: Hot Co-worker

After a long time, I told my hot co-worker how I felt.

 

Turns out she felt the same way.

 

So I turned on the air conditioning.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: Elevator Man

I rode the elevator to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said, “Have a good day, son.”

 

“Don’t call me son,” I said. “You’re not my dad.”

 

He scratched his head and said, “No, but I brought you up, didn’t I?”.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: No Big Thing


The attractive young college junior was filing a report with the campus police regarding her encounter with an exhibitionist.

“Those nuts always seem to bother the nicest, most innocent girls,” one officer said sympathetically. “I’m terribly sorry you were exposed to this experience.”

“Oh, that’s all right,” said the undergrad. “It was really no big thing.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Posted

Joke: A Night In

Last night, I gave my girlfriend a medieval battle uniform to polish while I went to the bar…

 

She always said she wanted a night in, shining armour.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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